The Perfect Woman

Sometimes, I have a hard time being real about myself and to others.  I suppose it is because I don't want to reveal my struggles.  I have been reading a new book and after taking a test on my personality, I found I was predominately Perfect Melancholy.  This in a nutshell is saying we are on a mission to bring perfection to an imperfect world .  Yes, that is me most times.  And if I am not succeeding (according to my own expectations anyway), then I certainly won't admit and reveal it.  

But life is a struggle most days.  I find myself needing more and more to put things in front of me to boost my spirit...my mind...my emotions.  I want to write and inspire others yet most often, I find it difficult to inspire myself.  I am in a fog...feeling like I am just going through all the right motions but not mentally there.  I want to love people more but can't seem to do it - in my real heart of hearts.

That's not a good place when you are a pastor's wife.  That doesn't fit the job description anyway.  We are supposed to be flitting around, socializing, having ladies over for coffee and making the world a happier place. I find myself coming home Sunday nights, changing into the warm, comforting pajamas and seeking silence in my bed.  I want to get away.

I don't like this me.  I don't know how I got here or how to get back.  I suppose I could describe it as a mental black hole.

I still push myself.  Push to finish the laundry and ironing.  Push to run the 3.1 miles for my workout. Push to help my kids with their memory verses and read their devotional with them.  Because that is me.  I won't let myself fail. I must bring perfection to my world.  That's what we just do.  I can't explain it.

Pastor's wives, moms, wives, career women or whatever title you hold, it is time we admit our failures and struggles to those closest to us.  We have to let go of our image.  You know, the perfect woman image.

I know I need to.  Maybe you do too.

I don't mean stop and just give up trying.  I mean stop and give up the image you are trying to achieve.  Be real with others.  

That is why I am writing this.  In a feeble effort to be real...to let go of the perfect image. So expect future posts to be my goof ups.  My flops.  My failures.  Expect to just hear about my life.  It's gonna get real. :)

PS...Please pray about a very important decision we have coming up.  Thank you!