One feeling that never goes away as a pastor's wife is the feeling of failure.
Failure. Every single week.
This failure always involves others.
Because that is what ministry is comprised of. People. People with feelings. People with needs. People with expectations.
And more often than not, we fail all three.
To those who call me pastor's wife...I am sorry. If you only knew the sadness we feel when we have not met your needs. The sorrow we feel when we hear that you felt neglected. The disappointment in ourselves we experience when we know we have failed you.
May I ask three things of you?
1. Keep open lines of communication. We can't read minds. We deal with multiple personalities. Different personalities prefer different types of love. Can you help us out? If you have a need, please tell us. I do this with my husband. Even after 12 years of marriage, he can't read my mind. I just straight up tell him my needs.
This way, he is not struggling to "figure it out"...feeling defeated because he did not meet my needs...and I am not hurt because he didn't "figure it out".
This way, he is not struggling to "figure it out"...feeling defeated because he did not meet my needs...and I am not hurt because he didn't "figure it out".
We want to meet your needs...we really do. Sometimes we just can't see them.
2. Don't judge the church on our failures.
Churches are families. Families are many people - all who will fail you in some way. Don't blame the church when it is really just the people that have failed. Forgive, let go and come back in the family.
Churches are families. Families are many people - all who will fail you in some way. Don't blame the church when it is really just the people that have failed. Forgive, let go and come back in the family.
3. Turn the hurt around. Sometimes, the best way to heal after being wounded, is to find another wounded and patch them up.
For when we take our thoughts, emotions and feelings off ourselves...and concentrate them into a deed of love and kindness towards another...suddenly, we seem pretty small and our God seems pretty big. HE is magnified. And others are loved.
Isn't that what we seek? Love?
What better way than to spread His love for then
we in return receive the love we had been seeking from others.
Except now, we have received the PERFECT LOVE of our perfect Savior. Wow.
Yes, your pastor and pastor's wife WILL fail you. No doubt. Seek your needs in the One who will NEVER fail you or forsake you.
We love you.
For when we take our thoughts, emotions and feelings off ourselves...and concentrate them into a deed of love and kindness towards another...suddenly, we seem pretty small and our God seems pretty big. HE is magnified. And others are loved.
Isn't that what we seek? Love?
What better way than to spread His love for then
we in return receive the love we had been seeking from others.
Except now, we have received the PERFECT LOVE of our perfect Savior. Wow.
Yes, your pastor and pastor's wife WILL fail you. No doubt. Seek your needs in the One who will NEVER fail you or forsake you.
We love you.
I have been through this for awhile these past 6 years. You don't want to fail and sometimes it is the discouragement that you only see someone once a week and in that 2 hour window, you want to leave a lasting impression that will hold their heart in your ministry and yet you fail people for whatever the reason and there has been many things over the years from what seems the smallest of things. I have had the attitude over the years of "Oh, well" that's just what people do! but I hate this attitude of mine! I want people to have passion for Christ, I want people to know that they are growing closer to God! I want lives changed through salvation, God has called his people to do great things and not to cause grief to those who have accountability over us! I should always come to church realizing that someone or something will fail because it will, there now that is out of the way, I will never be disappointed, but I should also come to church to hear the gospel and draw close to Christ knowing that by doing this whether I realize it or not it is helping me and my family! No one goes to the gym gets on a treadmill for the first time, hops off after 30 minutes and quits because your waistline doesn't improve but those who benefit from it, are those who keep going back and failing and failing and failing until they win!
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts, Bro. Josh!
ReplyDelete