This is a deeply difficult post to write. Our border collie, Max, passed away. I suppose I could not blog about things like this because it is very difficult to write it while the grief is still fresh. The photos are even more difficult to look at. I will probably write this post and not be able to come back to it for a very long time. But that's OK. I want to blog about how we all felt at this time. For us to look back in years to come.
It was October 16th. Our third daughter's 16th birthday. That day seemed normal. I took Max on his morning walk as usual and nothing was out of the ordinary. We were leaving to take Sierra out to eat for a birthday meal. Autumn was at work, Addie at college and Summer was at home. Right before we left, I called for Max to go outside in the backyard to go potty. He went outside and went to the bathroom. He then rolled around in the grass as he often did. Then he walked around part of the perimeter of the fence. My husband and I were watching him - standing outside. He came back in and we left for the restaurant.
We got home and I went upstairs to do something. I started to head downstairs to take Max on his evening walk. I walked by Sierra's room and saw him lying in her room which was odd. He usually isn't upstairs in the day time because he can't make it up the stairs by himself. I called to him, "Maxie, come on. Let's go on your walk!" He didn't respond and I talked to him again. Then I just had the feeling something wasn't right. I went over, looking at him and talking to him. His body jerked a little and he had a little foam coming out his mouth. I ran over to the stairs and yelled for Eric to come.
He had just come upstairs, laid down and pretty much passed away. I started crying and bawling, petting him and talking to him. I lay down my ear to his body to see if he was still alive. His heart was still beating. His body jerked a little more. I believe all the other parts of his body was shutting down except for his heart. As I talked to him and held him, I heard his heartbeat speed up. It was as if he could hear me and at the sound of my voice, he was responding. His heart continued to beat for a very long time, even though the rest of his body was gone.
It continued to beat until Autumn arrived home.
It continued to beat until we called Addie.
He just wanted to hold on for everyone. I told him it was ok to go. We loved him so much but it was ok to go now. I prayed for God to take him.
In the recent months, I saw him go downhill. Just slowing up so very much. I knew his time could be near. I begged God and asked Him to let Max die without suffering. To just go to sleep and pass on.
And God graciously answered my prayer. I saw Belle suffer and I saw Figgie suffer and I just couldn't handle seeing Max suffer in death. God is so very good. Thank you, God. Over and over again, thank you.
And He let Max's heart to continue to beat until everyone was there and could say goodbye. He let his heart continue to beat and let me talk to him and hold him and hear his heartbeat. He let me have this very last special moment to say goodbye to my dear friend.
We got Max as a puppy in March 2009 in Reno. He was born January 2009. Addie was 6, Autumn was 4 and Sierra 2. Summer was not even born yet. He raised all our babies. He was 14 1/2 years old when he died. He would have been 15 this coming January.
So many memories. I love you, buddy, and our home just isn't the same without you.
The following are photos that my husband took when it happened. At the end are five videos that he also took. They were too long to let blogger upload them so I uploaded them to YouTube and linked them here. All are just raw photos and videos of us saying goodbye. We all need to be raw.
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